I queefed so loud it echoed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
