Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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