apparently the secret to your success is patron
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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