You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
