census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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