Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
