my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
