I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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