I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
