i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
