i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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