OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
