Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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