HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
