Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
