WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
