If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
