for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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