I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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