he thought i was a dude.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
