this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Fuck appropriateness.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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