The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
