Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
