i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
