did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
