He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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