Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There r osticjed everywhere
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
