Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You ruined the universe
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
