Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
