My room smells like vodka and shame
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
