Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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