CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
