My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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