I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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