Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
