Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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