She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
