Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
