Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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