She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
