WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
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The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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