I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
