Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
