A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
