I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
