You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize