WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
