Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
