Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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