office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sorry my hands just texted you
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
