allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
