...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize