I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
