I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
