And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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