AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
