i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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