Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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