I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
