i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
