No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
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