So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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