The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
