It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
