Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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