How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
