Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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