her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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