There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
