Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
