I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
