On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
