i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
