my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
