Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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