I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
All the doctor said was why
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
